so wonderful

this afternoon, right after cycling with zie.. went to Pantai Kelanang with abang, kojek, and zaly.. am d only grl, just to menyibuk! they went there to shoot sunset pics.. but i was there, just to relax my mind.. and yeap mission accomplished! the sunset was very beautiful and wonderful, it was just so soothing to see evrything.. and worth of dirtying my pants.. biar terkena kotoran demi pengalaman ;p on the way back, i spotted a love in the sky.. woow, so pretty i tell ya..

pictures from these photographers
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kojek2210/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/eilfikluz/

my butt hurts!

this morning, me and ziey went cycling at Bukit Cerakah, now called as Bukit Cahaya, i guess? last week we went there but it was closed already.. so here we are again.. early in the morning.. the ticket price is 3rgt per adult, and the bike rental is 4rgt.. if want to rent the new one, then the cost will be 5rgt.. but the new one was already finish so we took the old one.. at first, it was a bit awkward, well it has been 10 years since my last ride.. huhu the fun part when cycling was going down the hill! hee haw! but goin up the hill needed a lot of stamina and energy.. hah! my legs hurt afterwards.. and also my butt!

best friends wedding

yesterday, my friend for almost 20 years got married.. her name, aqeelah@qiey.. she got married with her 3 years bf.. the nikah took place at her house at bangi, on 18th Jun 2010, just after her birthday which is on 17th June 2010. I cried a little, d tears of happiness.. and some of it, tears of sadness.. d thought that reminds me of how easy he left me..

they became husband and wife with just a lafaz.. so happy for them, could see how much they lov each other even tho they dont say it evrday.. and qiey was so lovely that day.. after the akad, we ate lamb wit bread.. so good uhm uhm yummy.. i eat a lot these days.. coz b4 i went there, i already ate, then i ate again.. and again.. my tummy seems so hungry.. :)

and now, just came back from qieys reception at UPM.. went there with Sae and Kinot, 3 bujang lapoks.. huhu we all agreed to wear brown clothes just like qiey's wedding color theme. D gang was all there including Rozie and family.. except, dilot who was from Penang.. finally got to see baby Irdina.. comel like her momy.. met most of my oldest friends there, from sek rendah til menengah.. it was so much fun.. after taking some pictures, we went back home..

to my friend, qiey, u deserve to be happy.. ur such a nice friend for the whole year ive been friends to u.. may apis, ur hubby take good care of u.. a good person is meant for someone good also.. thats jodoh.. and u and apis were meant to be for each other for the rest of ur lives.. make a lot of babies..!

lompat si katak lompat!

ranidaphobia - fear of frogs!

im afraid of them NOT bcoz of their yucky skin.. but mama used to tell me when i was little, "once they bite u, they will never let it go til u hear the sound of thunder, it hurts when they bite"..

and til to dis day, i dunno whether that is true or not.. i dunno whether they have teeth or not.. true or false, i will run when i see them.. that goes for d doggies also..


this below pic, taken from my home's doorstep@KB.. i took d pic about a meter far.. i was going to take pics of d cute lil kitties, but mr. frog, d kitties bodyguard got angry at me.. look how garang his face was, muka pn mcm hulubalang, cuba letak pedang kt sblh.. budget takot laa.. tapi memaaang, ngerrr.. laaaaaaaaaariii~

spiderman

last sunday, 13th June 2010.. we did our 3rd mission.. it was a success also! 2/3 missions completed last weekend.. hahah reminds me of playing GTA, grand theft auto where u have to complete all the missions given.. ok, so the 3rd mission was wall climbing!! this will not happen without aji's help.. thanks bro! kamu lah sifu kami.. hihi i have tried to climb before at Camp 5, OU last year.. without the ropes, and without help.. it suck.. but this time, aji yang baik hati ade.. he's the one who gave us guidance, and hold the rope tightly so we couldnt fall.. we arrived at Putrajaya by 4pm, and rented shoes (rm7), harness (rm5), and belay (rm4).. so cheap la here.. http://www.putraclimb.com/2008/11/putrajaya-challenge-park/

at first, ziey was afraid to climb "tanakkkkk ko la dlu, aku takoott".. so i tried the small wall first, then the big wall.. i didnt manage to reach even half of the wall.. hahah it was so hard, and my hands were shaking.. sangat lenguh ok.. felt so stupid, n i just ignored evryone around.. biarpon byk je mamat2 ensem.. hahah then it was ziey's turn.. dgn lajunya, she almost reached the top.. tak padan dgn takot tadi.. but another quarter to top, she got tired.. after her 2 more tries, i climb for my 4th attempt.. heheh this time, i manage to reach the same level as ziey.. just a quarter to go.. dis time, my hands felt so heavy, sgt2 lenguh, i just couldnt reach out my hands to another rock.. i couldnt grip because my hands were sweating and my nails were long and got scratched.. so next time, better cut d nails short first..

after our turns, it was aji's turn.. yg semmgnye da profesional.. fuh just a few minutes, he reached the top.. then he tried another harder rock.. me and ziey were so tired and waiting hungryly.. we havent had our lunch for that day.. almost 7pm, me, zie, aji and apis had drinks and d best roti john at Putrajaya.. that was the most tiring day.. but so fun to do! and til to dis day, my hands and legs are aching and so much pain.. even ziey pon had a hard time opening the bottle.. huhuhu.. thanks to sifu aji, and his friend apis for spending the time with us.. :D next time kite gi lagi yerr..

missions to accomplish

as soon as after my breakup, my mind was full of plans.. going here and there, doing wat ive been longing to do.. things that i cant do while with him.. and now, i felt ive become a free single woman! i can go out with anyone else, i can do anything i want, without thinking bout him, without tryin to avoid hurting his feelings.. but in the end, when u try hard not to, its just useless.. end up, im d one whos hurt..

ok cut the crap.. so, on 12th June 2010, my 1st mission failed coz d place was already closed. we arrived like 5 minutes late.. agak geram la kan, but we'll go there next week.. ziey was already babbling.. hahah ziey, 'the queen of saying stupidos'.. we didnt know where to go so we went back home and tried for our 2nd mission that night, eating!.. hihi at first, i was so tired to go, and afraid also.. coz ziey told me the road to go there was a bit scary.. but in the end, well wat the heck goin just d 2 of us? im brave to do anything now..

the journey began after maghrib, i drove there and yeap the road was so dark, without any street lights, like the road to ulu yam with jungles around.. but there were plenty of cars in front and behind so i wasnt so scare enough.. finally we arrived at the top, it was raining lightly and we had to park below.. ziey, babbling again.. "tu la ko tanak dtg petang ckit, parking kt atas da pnuh.. kan da kena naik tangga tinggi tuu, hujan plak tuu! bodoh".. hahaha sbar je la kn.. we took the tiring stairs, like sg Gabai punye tangga.. fuuh, half way, semput skjp.. up there, the view - woww.. so amazing! got to see the whole KL, KLCC view.. i was smiling all the way, so excited!

we wanted to sit at the highest level but the seats were full, next time we should reserve first.. i had lamb chop, and ziey had chicken chop.. the prices were not so expensive.. ok2 laa.. lamb chop - rm13.90, and teh tarik - rm3.90.. the food pon ok2 laa, but dont order teh tarik.. not so good, i cudnt taste the tea itself.. we had our romantic lesbian moments.. hahhaa then again, ziey thinkin bout his ex again.. this time, i got mad at her.. "tlg lah z, kite datang nk enjoy, stop talkin bout the guys anymore, theyre just selfish men!" dat time, i cudnt think one memory bout him.. its jst that, ive already asked him to go there before but he didnt want to.. while we were eating, the lights went out.. sumone celebrating his gf's brthday there, they all started to sing.. then the guy said 'happy bday, lov u baby'.. whoaa so romantic.. while me and ziey sitting there, hearing each other problems and picking up the shattered pieces to move on..

bye bye software engineer

m not feelin well today.. and suddenly i miss him..
my body is in pain from wall climbing yesterday..
i havent think of him before, but i dunno y..
just now, memories came flashing back when i suddenly clicked on his pic..
huargh nyesal plak open my hardisk..
today wud be my last day working here in Bukit Jelutong..
im not so sad bout it and now impatiently waiting for the clock ticks 1pm..
tonite ill be goin back to KB..
i hope dat mama wont ask me bout the breakup..
then im goin to update my blog again and insert new pics..
and tmrow... Portugal's match! hope theyll win..
last weekend was so tiring.. full of activities..
cant wait to update about it.. hehe :D

confession of a broken heart

- I just cannot lov u like before
- Ive done something bad to u
- I will hurt you more
- Its not u, its me
- Trust me, this is better for both of us
- I dont want u anymore, move on!

wow.. those words really hit me hard, ripping my heart out of chest.. i
just could not believe it.. we hadnt have any big fights, screaming or
cursing at each other.. NONE.. but i guess when the sun came up, the
reality sets in.. dont expect dat when ur happy, the other one is.. its
been a week now, and now i have the courage to tell my breakup story..
the miserable days ive been thru..

DAY 1 - Cry like a baby

After he told me all, he didnt want me, how he suddenly, out of the
blue, blindly rejected me, how words spilled out from his mouth without
mercy and how he easily broke my heart just like that.. I just cried
all the way, forgetting people around me.. i took MC and went back
home, i just could not work anymore.. i asked him why over and over
again.. wat did i do wrong.. but no clear and true explanations could
be answered.. my heart felt so sore, i could just feel it.. racing like
"crazy pig".. my hands were shaking pretty badly.. suddenly evrything
went black.. i could not focus, crying and screaming like a
psychopath.. theres no way i could hang on to myself, because this came
all of a sudden, without warning, without any signs.. i was not
prepared for it mentally.. that night, i could not sleep.. my mind was
troubled with all the questions.. "how he could do this to me?", "is it
because im small, im nt cute enuff?", "did i say sumthin wrong?", "y he
suddenly changed?", "when he stopped lovin me?", "if he said he loved
me just few days ago, y suddenly he hated me?"... Arghh! the questions
kept repeating over and over again til to dis day.. my emotions are all
mixed up, at first i was so into tears, and then i hated him, then i
missed him, then i just wanted to kill him.. then i felt that i cannot
let go of him, but i cant do anything bout it.. and continued to cry
like sick baby.. that nite, i was texting him messages, every sentences
that came across my mind.. for every hour, every minute.. mcm org gile,
btul2 mcm org tak waras.. dat time i just cannot think rationally..

Day 2 - Pink panther.. tenet.. tenet... tenenneett..

On this day, i became CSI agent, criminal mind agent, u-name-it agent..
and the investigation begun.. i wanted to know how she looked like.. i
searched here and there.. i asked all d people related.. finally found
it! shes tall, she looks sweet wit her juling air eyes.. but friends
told me i was prettier.. haha biasela nak amik ati kwn tgh sedih.. and
when i got to know more, jeng jeng jengg... it hurt my feelings more..
at lunch time, i didnt eat.. i remembered my last meal was on monday..
and this day, was on wednesday.. so its 48 hours la rite? hmm i just
cannot eat.. i tried to sleep, cant either.. i missed him.. i tried to
call since morning til afternoon, texting more and more, begging him to
pick up the call or reply my message.. but it makes things worse, i got
geram and sad, then i burst into tears in front of the PC.. i called my
bestfriend, awin.. she got mad at me and told me to stop calling or
investigating because it will make me hurt more.. the pain is so
indescribable, felt left alone, unwanted and so desperate to have his
lov back.. i continued to msg and call him til night, biaserla degil,
thought i can challenge myself, how far i can sakit ati lagi.. but its
not worth it.. i will only make myself stupid.. then, at night..
tadaaaa.. he picked up the phone! i didnt cry at all.. i felt so
relieved til after we spoke, i stopped crying!

Day 3 - Mat Cool Kawanku

I dont know where this strength came from.. I guess from God and family
who prayed for me.. I didnt even cry on this day.. maybe its because of
the endless doa before..

"ya Allah, jika die bkn jodohku, hapuskanlah cinta padanya. peliharalah
aku daripada sakitnya perpisahan dan selamatkanlah aku daripada
pedihnya kekecewaan. Engkau tenangkanlah hatiku dan ketemukanlah org yg
lebih baik daripadanya, yg dpt membimbingku ke jalanMu"

I also read the quran the night before, trying to cool me down.. but
tears kept flowing down while reading.. It made me relax a little and i
did the Istikarakh to make me think clearly and what choices shud i
take.. I stopped calling and texting him..

Day 4 - Reminder

It was like the same day as before but i got weak.. I read previous
messages when we first start dating.. and i started to text him, i
wanted to remind him that he used to love me before and wat he said
before.. he told me not to be scared when i said i was afraid to hav a
new relationship with him.. scared to being hurt again..if i let myself
be happy for even one moment then suddenly the world's just going to
come crashing down and i dont know if could survive that.. but it
finally happened.. and now ive become this coward person again..

Day 5 - Friends and family support

My sisters started sending messages and comments.. One was by Kakja -
"buat ape nk miserablekn diri sedangkan si ex doesnt feel anything?"
maybe true.. when i think about wat he told me "u break, then ull
meet sumone new.. its just easy.. awk pkir je bercinta ni senang, then
senanglah jadinya" hmm whos the one is truely hurt right now? whos the
one that really lovs u and got dumped? then i started to share my story with Mimi.. she told me to be strong and think bout wat he did.. how heartless men can be.. sume jantan sama je..

Day 6 - I wish i cud be Uma Thurman

I felt anger, hate and vengeance are takin over.. i dont miss him as much.. i started to forget him.. and started to have the images where i became Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, with her samurai.. I imagined i sliced him into two.. haiyaaaaarkk!! chopped his head, then badan putus dua.. fuuhh, puas ati.. that images kept showing in my head when i think bout him.. tapi takde la nk buat btol pon..

Day 7 - Girlpower

Bila da cool down, no more calls, no more texting to him.. so no more sakit ati lagi.. i shud have done this since the first night.. now it has been 5 days since i stopped texting and calling him.. let it be like this.. and now i can rationalize things.. i have accepted this breakup, and that he was not meant for me.. i cant get so angry at him because he treated me well for the last 8 months with him.. he was the best boyfrend i ever had.. but it just didnt turn out well.. i think he has a mental problem.. hihi.. but still im mad at him and im not ready to forgive him.. so now, im planning for roadtrips and vacations with my grlfrends.. cant wait to.. and i dont wat to involve in any relationships anymore.. yes, da serik.. seseriknye.. will not fall into men sweet words anymow.. let it be me on my own, with my grlfrends only.. thanks all for ur support..

this breakup made my mama and familys worried bout me.. Mama called me, 'jgn sedihla, takde jodoh wat camne.. byk2 la doa'.. hearing those made me cried.. shes worried that im getting old and im not married yet.. i hated when people asking me when im getting married.. this is one of the reason.. ur in love, u already usahakan.. tapi tuhan tanak bagi gak jodoh tu.. so wat can u do.. rather than askin me, better doa kt Allah jodoh sy ye.. i cannot do anything bout it.. so now im just going to live my life withot men.. ive had it..

to him: i pray for ur happiness.. hope evrthings good for u.. even for a while, but u made me happy.. thank u..

sakitnye

im sitting here now, in my office..
in front of this pc, wit d screen dat looks blurry to me..
only my fingers are moving, typing wats d brain telling me..
tears falling down heavily, n im covering it with d shawl i bought frm dubai..
it has been for 2 days i got migraine..
i wish i culd go back now and cry all out..

why.. why.. why its happening? all of a sudden?
why.. u said theres nothing i shud get worry about..
but why im crying? why i still wake up in the middle of the night?
n y is my heart felt like it has been shattered to pieces?

what is wrong with u? what did i do wrong?
y ur like this? y?
i need to go back home now..
thats all..