tired of trying

tired.
tired to be sumone.
tired to be me.
tired of trying.

wish i cud fly.
up up away.
goin forward.
without hesitations.
without problems.
all by myself.

but this is life.
d circle of life.
to b a daughter.
to be a mom.
to be a grandmother.

future is uncertain.
so many questions inside my head.
i culd just pray.
to God, to Allah.
for a better life.

there r so many choices in life.
but i chose to be this way.
i could not resist the satan’s whisper.
im so weak.
dats wat i hate.

sumtimes i cry.
wondering y.
if i cud just die.
n forget all d question of why.
why im stupid.
but life must go on.
its not easy.
to get through this.

im scared.
scared of being hurt again.
scared of being left alone forever.
scared of getting older.

everyday i doa.
but i think its not enuff. i dont pray 5 times a day.
i forgot. to love HIM.
but im still grateful for everthing HE has given to me.

i still remembered wat a frend told,
‘manusia akan sentiasa di uji oleh-Nya walau yg buruk atau yg baik.
untung if Tuhan uji dengan musibah, coz kita akan balik kepadaNya.
tapi kalau Tuhan uji dengan kekayaan, most of manusia apla. nauzubillah’

Nabi s.a.w bersabda: “Tidak ada sesuatu yang menimpa seseorang Islam sama ada kepenatan, kesakitan,
kesusahan memikirkan perkara yang akan datang, kedukaan, sesuatu yang menyakiti, atau kesusahan mengingatkan
apa yang telah berlaku - sehinggakan tikaman duri yang mencucuknya - melainkan Allah hapuskan dengan sebabnya,
sebahagian dari dosa-dosanya.”

so i must be strong.
but if i cry.
Nur Bakti, please be there for me.
and understand that this is my weakness.
im just a human still tryin to be better.